How to make friends abroad. I had arrived about a week ago and the rain was relentless for all the seven days I was there. After the first few days, I had unpacked and was ready to start my classes for the exchange program at the University.
But then I started to feel the sore throat, the ache all over my body, and I only wanted to stay in bed and sleep. And then the fever started. Coughing, sneezing.
I felt extremely sick. I’m not sure what was worse, the aching body or the idea of having to leave my bed to find a doctor.
Somehow, I managed to call the University and get the address of the clinic. I really don’t know how I did that given my broken French and hoarse voice.
I got to the doctor’s office dictionary in hand because I had no idea how to tell her I had a sore throat (this was pre-smartphone and pregoogle translate). Medication in hand, I headed home feeling extremely lonely. Being sick is not fun in normal situations and when you’ve just arrived in a foreign country the feeling of vulnerability can be debilitating. What if I have to go to the hospital? What if I can’t understand a word they say?
These fears started to echo in my mind as a entered the tiny apartment, took off my damp shoes, and crawled into bed. Then the phone rang. It was Guillaume. I had forgotten about him. He was my assigned buddy. The University had a buddy program to help foreign students, and I had forgotten about him.
“Hello”, he said with the thickest French accent you can imagine.
“Hi”, I muttered.
“How are you? I wanted to see if you needed anything” he replied, happy to practice his English skills.
“Well, I don't feel so good…I just came back from the doctor’s office. I have a bad sore throat.” I replied in a very low voice.
I’ll come over and bring you soup.” Guillaume replied.
Guillaume brought me soup and so much more. He brought me friendship and care. He was crucial for my fast recovery and being able to adjust to French life. He was my first friend at the University, and I am forever grateful.
Having friends when we’re abroad is critical for us to have a successful adjustment. When we’re outside of our comfort zone it is very important to share our struggle with people that really understand us. If you don’t have an assigned buddy to help you with your cultural adjustment, there are a few things you can do to find friends when abroad.
Start before you leave
Your cultural transition does not start when you hop on the plane or when you land at your destination. It starts when you decide to move. So, start connecting with people before you move.
With social media, it’s easy to exchange ideas, have a conversation, and find people to connect with. Don’t limit yourself to writing messages. Talk to them in video chat to make the experience more meaningful. Before you leave for your destination, have at least three coffee or lunch scheduled.
You get what you give
If you want to have friends abroad it’s important to be a friend. When we’re in another culture we have to make friends from scratch. It can be exciting to meet new and different people, but it can also be draining to tell our story dozens of times to strangers.
An easy way to make new and meaningful friendships is to give people your attention. If necessary, go out of your way to help someone that needs your help – sometimes with simple things like picking up groceries, giving them a call just to check on them. You will see that when we give people attention, we will receive it back.
Dare to befriend the unfamiliar
In our international journey, we will probably meet people that are very different from what we’d meet back home. Try not to dismiss potential friendships based on past experiences. If back home your friends all worked, be open to making friends with a student.
If back home your friends had kids, be open to making friends with people with no kids. You get the idea. Also, open up to other nationalities. When we’re out of our comfort zone, sometimes we search the company of people from our home country because they “get us”. While that is true, it can also be limiting.
Having friends that help you and bring you soup when you’re sick can be the difference between having a successful cultural adjustment or struggling to feel happy in your new culture. It takes time and effort, but it is totally worth the investment.
WRAP UP
Preparing or dealing with an international move can be hard. It can be tough and take a lot of our energy. Being constantly out of our comfort zone can be draining. But ultimately if you’ve made a conscious choice to move you’re brave enough to master the challenges. All you need is the knowledge of what typically happens and the tools to deal with these most common challenges. One of the most important things about being an expat and going through a cultural transition is knowing that you’re not alone. Once you master the tools to understand and deal with the challenges, you’ll get through the other end a better, stronger, and more fascinating person. I have helped countless expats like you, who are preparing for your move abroad, and those who have been struggling with adjustment after the move. I will be happy to talk to you on a free call to see how you can create your best life abroad. You can book your free session here. If you're preparing for your move abroad and you want a step by step system so you can move with ease and confidence, take a look at this e-course: https://bit.ly/34zmIH6 I'm here for you! Get in touch and let's talk!
READ ALL PREVIOUS PARTS of Move Overseas With Ease here.
Click here to receive the complete Move Overseas With Ease E-book for FREE.
For regular tips and ideas to deal with issues that are relevant to the international experience, subscribe to, or just visit my YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/deborahdahab, where I upload a new video full of advice every two weeks.
About me
I am an expat coach and intercultural psychologist. I am also a seasoned expat, born in Brazil, and lived my childhood in the United States.
Throughout the years I have lived, studied, and worked in 5 different countries on 3 continents. In my many moves, I have experienced successful transitions and many more complete failures. My own experience, coupled with my observation of other people’s experiences, motivated me to search for answers as to why do we sometimes fail and how to succeed when moving to a new culture. This quest led me to pursue a Master's in Intercultural Psychology and complete a coaching certification and a practitioner certification in NLP.
With these tools in hand, I found myself equipped to help expats and expats-to-be overcome the challenges of moving so they can create their best life abroad.
For more about me visit www.deborahdahab.com or GET IN TOUCH HERE.
